Are you kidding me? This is why my generation of men arent going to get married. All i hear is women this women that. The notion that women have suffered more than men is such BS! Both sexes suffered in old times. Guess who stormed Normandy? Guess who gave up their seats so that women and children could leave the titanic safely? Guess who has to stay in the vault if there is a bank robbery as hostages? Yes, men are often harmed or killed at the hands of other men.
Women are perpetually in danger of being physically harmed or killed by men within family, partnership and day to day life on the street. I'm sorry you've suffered from the fear of the danger other men may inflict on you. Women are proportionally smaller in the population at large and less able to defend themselves physically.
Perhaps you can use your fear of being killed in a war, to empathize with women's daily plight. Women make up higher overall numbers here in the U.
My point is yes there are guys who come home from work yell tuna casserole then start screaming and swinging, but there are far more many men that if a woman would be in danger would risk their lives to save and protect them.
Women go to college at higher rates because men are told their boyish attitudes aren't fit for society. Men's issues have always been ignored. There is a war on men. These are our future boys who will be marrying our future girls. My great uncle served for freedom. So that our country which included his wife and children would be free.
Daniel - while not the point of my article I too wondered about the disproportion of men in college enrollment. Here's a sophisticated breakdown that includes the breakdown by race and gender as well - Google "stanford and where the guys are" to find the article. It includes scientific research on the gender gap in income. The "mook" image of males who are crude, rude, childish risk-takers has become ubiquitous in reality television, television commercials, sitcoms, music, and on the Web. Selling this kind of masculinity to boys does not instill attitudes conducive to preparing for or succeeding in college.
And in trying to market themselves to young men, many colleges and universities have contributed to the problem, and in the process done themselves few favors, by presenting the college experience, especially in commercials aired during televised sports, as cheering at athletic events and chatting on the quad with attractive coeds.
Having a headache and or using sex as a female to get the man to do something is so many degrees of wrong. Sex is for pleasure and once it is weaponized the relationship is over Did you read the part..
I'm not horny myself, but if you are I'd like to please you and make you happy. I've read to children when I was tired I've made dinner when I wasn't hungry. Some women feel LOVE as a motive and rarely if ever feel spontaneous subjective desire.
I have desire for my partner every day spontaneously! I can hear his voice and want to drag him to bed, don't put all women into neat little boxes. We are all different, we all have different needs, wants and desires just like men! You can't tell women that they are supposed to feel "subjective desire". You aren't telling men to stop feeling a spontaneous need for sex and to avoid trying to wait for love and cozy feelings before having sex.
Sounds to me like you're blaming women for the way women are made. If that is what you are doing, then Laurue, we are disappointed and you are so wrong. You are comparing giving sex to a husband is like doing laundry and preparing food!?! Does forced laundry and food preparation make you feel morally and spiritually degraded? It can frustrate her efforts when her partner insists, "But I want you to want it! But because she often feels desire after arousal, she often also finds herself glad that she started making love.
I am a historian. Your article sets women's "oral" history back to the dark ages where marriage is all about women submitting to the sexual dominated culture of men and their views of sexual control and privilege. SEX is not love. That line is as old as a man telling a women that if she really loved him, she would give him sex How has that line worked out for women??? Look at all the unwanted children in the world we have.
How about the history of the research on sex throughout history. It is strictly from the male perspective. Wow, Freud really did women a big favor by his bias research on sex. Everything you have expressed shows how much you are brainwashed by a male dominated society. What a bunch of nonsense. I personally am sick and tired of women like you promoting sex as love. Men throughout history have NEVER been held accountable for their lack of sexual control and their objectifying of women sexually.
Your article supports male dominance over women. Marriage was created by the human society to protect and honor the family unit, specifically the children and their mothers because women are very vulnerable when they produce children, even from their own husbands. Before there was birth control, men were allowed to kill their wives through child birth because men cared more about having sex than the life of their wife, and mother of their children.
These days and in the USA, a man who will not leave his wife alone and makes her pregnant after already giving birth to a child and a doctor tells him if she gets pregnant it puts her life in danger and she will die if she has another child That man should be put in jail for murder.
No excuse for such irresponsible behavior. Birth control does not make it ok for a man to sexually dominate a woman. Men are the ones who invented religions, governments, and controlled the development of social cultures to the advantage of the human male. Just because a man has a strong sex drive does not give them the right to expect a women be responsible for his lack of self-control. For you to even suggest that a woman is doing her husband a favor by having sex with him when she does not feel up to it, promoting what has been promoted to women for thousands of years.
It is her fault if her husband is not satisfied with sex and looks for it else where. It is not a women's "duty" to manage a man's sex drive, it is the man's responsibility. People have forgotten this about history Birth control does not always prevent pregnancies. In the case of an unwanted pregnancy, I witnessed other women being publicly shamed for the decision they make about it, and NOTHING is said or done to the men who took part in the unwanted pregnancy.
During sex, I have felt pressure to make artificial faces and noises and fake orgasms in order to turn my partner on and make them feel good about their sexual prowess. If I show any emotion, I risk being used as evidence that women are over emotional, manipulative, irrational, always playing the victim. If I am experiencing physical or emotional health issues related to my reproductive system, I risk being used as evidence that women are irrational, and unable to make good decisions for myself and others.
I agree with the majority of what you have written regarding the history of men, women and sex and it's fab that you are so passionate about women and equality.
I'm sorry but I do disagree with the tone used. It does sound a bit ranty, angry and accusatory which will automatically make a lot of men defensive and therefore ignore the important message you want to get across. Men have a hard time too you know. They just have different problems then we do. You only need to look at the stats of male suicides to see that many are suffering.
You mentioned 'if I cry We aren't expected to bottle it up. I think roles have changed so much that neither sex really know what they're supposed to be doing now. What their purpose is etc I'm certainly not advocating we go back to the 50s but it's just taking us all a while to work out how we fit together no pun intended. We have more complicated anatomy down there and for a lot of men they're terrified they haven't got a clue what they're doing. The noises are just to guide them in the right direction.
My personal experience is most men want to pleasure women. They get off when we get off,. Marriage used to provide access to sex. Now it provides access to celibacy", which commented on your sentiment as follows:. Under these conditions, pity the poor married man hoping to get a bit of comfort from the wife at day's end.
He must somehow seduce a woman who is economically independent of him, bone tired, philosophically disinclined to have sex unless she is jolly well in the mood, numbingly familiar with his every sexual maneuver, and still doing a slow burn over his failure to wipe down the countertops and fold the dish towel after cooking the kids' dinner. He can hardly be blamed for opting instead to check his e-mail, catch a few minutes of SportsCenter, and call it a night.
She's a wry and insightful writer about sex and I've enjoyed her work for years. Thanks for adding this! We have here, YOU, hearing what you want to hear based on your own obviously painful whatever and your agenda is to be heard. Create a new article then. That CAN include sex. Simple to get but you missed it. Sex can be a way to make love, but it isn't always. I assume you have heard of a strip club and such, and in that aspect I agree with you. But sex in gods mind IS a way to show a strong bond and loving relationship between two people.
Many take that for granted, but love is love. I'm sure many parents can disagree on that opinion. Laurie, I don't know why I got the impression that your writing about men's desire was so much more spontaneous and enjoyable for you, compared to the perfunctory job you have done here for women. The men'd writeup was so eloquent and expressive and empathic, whereas there is very little or nothing here that hasn't already been hashed to death, and your level of empathy seems lower.
I wonder if I am misreading a difference in your level of enthusiasm in writing these two pieces because I am male, but I think it goes beyond my perception.
Thanks for the compliments on the first blog. I probably do think men as do women who are really sexual - the "slut" get a bad rap for having sex as a primary love language. I see that a lot in practice and wanted to present to women, primarily, another way of looking at it. On this one, I think men take lower not low, necessarily desire of their partner too personally. I wanted to take the pressure off the women - that the should feel as much desire as their guy I want women to know it's normal to be distracted and that they need time to settle into the moment and not feel guilty that they are not as "fast" as he is I guess I feel passionate about representing both sides Laurie, thanks for the nice response.
I think your article on men read better because it was among the few that counter the current trope of women's sexuality as normative and men's as deviant. I don't think I take lack of a partner's desire "personally" but, given men today must understand "no" as "no", it means the more sensitive men can rightfully feel themselves as deviant. Luckily my partner was mature enough that at some point we could agree that evolution has lent us a raw hand and went celibate.
Over the years I have learned that I can get close to climax on good music and desert the latter in moderation. Have zero need for ' self help' artists, no one has life experience without the life experience Op You are a man?
Well, your expectations of Laurie are unrealistic. Normally her first support " IS" going to go to females. Don't expect her to be a traitor or ask her to betray her gender. I haven't seen you write to men who slam women about sex. Why don't you start there and leave Laurie be. Let her do her rightful job!! I think the most striking aspect about this piece is that the biggest part of the experience for women is missing: I do not know one single woman, not one, who thinks of herself as beautiful and desirable.
Every woman contends daily with the vast discrepancy between how her body looks, and how it should look. Everyone agonizes over too small breasts or too round thighs, too short legs, scars and blemishes on their skin, this one hates her wobbly knees, this one has ugly feet etc. Sex is therefore an incredibly high-stress event where she fears to be "found out" as not being desirable - she turns the light down, avoids positions that show her "ugly side", avoids to take the bra off that prevents the ugly sagging, tenses up when he touches her tummy or butt or whatever she feels especially bad about.
All the time she is watching herself through his eyes and fearing the experience is disappointing for him. Add to that the deep shame of having a natural body that sweats, sprouts hair, farts, develops calluses etc. So add hours of additional work a week of shaving, washing, exfoliating, lotioning, perfuming, grooming, and painting. It can be pretty daunting after a long day at work and a hard "third shift" in the evening at home when the kids are in bed, the kitchen is clean, and you finally sit down after 15, 16 hours, but now he indicates he might be interested in sex - so you get up again to wash and dry your hair, shower, shave, brush your teeth, reapply some makeup to be ready A third level of shame, in the context of marriage, for many women, comes from childbirth.
A lot of women are never "the same" again, suffering tears and cuts that leave ugly scars and lingering pain, damage to the pelvic floor, stress incontinence, prolapse, etc.
Wow, you should be writing an article, you're absolutely right. And even now a married mother of two over 40, I recall feeling just as uncomfortable about my body at It's funny, enjoying sex?
So much of that depends on your partner, and so many women have horrific partners. When women have such negative perceptions of their own body. I hear and read about this experience, and I feel sorry for them. I count myself very lucky and maybe in the minority to never have experienced such negativity about my body. I have always loved my body, it has served me well over the years. At age 59 now, I still love it as I did when younger.
I avoided conversations centered on negative body images with other women, I simply would not participate. I always enjoyed sex when I was younger and did not experience what Maria did.
I felt desirable and wanted, and today, in my mature years, fell great about it all. So here is one women who has a lifetime of positive body images and sexual experiences. I know there must be others out there too. Perhaps experiences run a bell curve distribution, with some outliers. Thanks for being truthful and sincere. North America needs more woman like yourself to express the positive side about their bodies and experiences. Life is beautiful as are all woman.
How on earth do I ask for this on an app like Tinder without getting scary messages? This is a great start! I have long believed that the secret to finding a lasting partnership is less about meeting the one but rather about meeting some one who you find attractive and interesting but who also — and this is crucial — wants the same kind of relationship that you do at the same time that you want it.
This can apply to casual relationships as much as serious ones: Being real friends-with-benefits requires the highest level of emotional honesty and communication in order to make the parameters of the relationship clear and avoid hurt feelings. Your point that advertising this on your profile may elicit creepy messages is not an irrelevant one, but I do think for maximum efficiency you should be pretty clear that you are looking for something casual because of your existing commitments.
And you do want someone who is very sex-positive. One option is to look for people with similar profiles to yours: If your tastes run to the kinky, you could also consider investigating in apps and sites that are more open about their focus on sex, such as Fetlife. Once you do decide to meet people, remember to take the same precautions that you would if you were dating for more romantic reasons:25 Jan Bang Your Friends: A new Facebook app claims to offer an anonymous method of finding which of your online friends are prepared to meet you. But the ways that women experience and express their sexuality are often very different from their male partners. (See "How Men Really Feel about Sex.") Here. I am looking sexual datingSingle. 42% Msg me with a pic and number to text or if you got kik with your Username. Swingers wants fucking orgy nsa fuck just a man looking for woman Just want a pretty black girl who will fall in love with me in 2 yrs and adore me, and me her Stunning MILF Victoria Zeal Strips Naked.