In fact, I was inspired to write this article when a friend told me many of her female friends had owned up to using it. Over the next couple of days, I actually received a lot of posts from women. Or at least, they said they were women. To be honest, I doubted the veracity of the claims. It didn't take long to realize that almost all the replies I received were scams. The situation is so severe on Craigslist Casual Encounters that posts by real women who are actually seeking hook-ups are often flagged for removal at the slightest cause for suspicion.
The most common scams are "safe dating" websites. An alleged woman will write a man saying she's interested, but that because of the Craigslist-based serial killers and rapists in the news, she needs some extra assurance that it's safe. If you follow the link she provides, the website asks you for your credit card number — y'know, so it can do a background check to make sure you're not a criminal. One individual tried to get me to buy him or her virtual currency in online games like MapleStory before agreeing to hand over contact information.
Yeah, right — moving on! What little luck I'd had so far. The week was half over and I hadn't had a single bite. I decided I would have to take the initiative, so in addition to posting my own ads, I started responding to every ad from any woman who seemed at all interesting.
I cast a wide net in my searches, looking up posts by straight or bisexual women between the ages of 18 and 35 who lived anywhere in Chicagoland — a large metropolitan area that's home to close to five million females. Most of the women wanted something very specific they couldn't find in their normal lives: Someone to help play out a particular fantasy, someone vastly older than them or someone of another race.
Very few of the women who were advertising seemed to be looking for anything I would consider a "normal encounter. I typically wrote two or three paragraph replies and matched the tone of their own messages, then attached a couple of tasteful photos of myself. I didn't get a single reply from an actual prospect this way. It turned out that most of the ads were fakes from scammers, and quite a few fell into another category all together.
Prostitution is what made Craigslist controversial. There's technically another section for that — "Adult Services," formerly "Erotic Services" — but that's not the only place you'll find practitioners of the world's oldest profession. The prostitutes of Craigslist speak in code, but it's not a difficult one to learn. They advertise "French lessons" — an odd thing to advertise under "Casual Encounters," don't you think? Well, it's obviously a euphemism for something else. Many of the ads that weren't from scammers were from prostitutes.
The ads are so obvious that it's surprising the euphemisms are effective in fending off law enforcement. Then again, maybe they are law enforcement. Amidst all those failures, I had one near-success. A woman wrote in response to my sweet "cuddling first" ad saying she was in town for only a couple of months, and that she was frustrated she couldn't find a relationship.
When she sent her pictures, she looked plain but attractive. We exchanged a couple of e-mails over the course of two hours, tossing back and forth lists of interests and the like. She made it clear that she wanted to meet up, and while she talked about starting slow, it was clear that it would indeed be a casual encounter. But when I suggested a time to meet — the last message from me before I would reveal myself and back out — there was no reply.
At least, not yet. The next day, she e-mailed me saying she was deeply apologetic and that she'd fallen asleep. She said she'd like to meet up sometime. So yes, there are women on Craigslist. Well, at least one! You've probably guessed by now that the experiences for heterosexual men and women on Craigslist's casual encounters are quite different. I observed that for every ad a woman posts, there are at least 20 from men. If nothing else, that imbalance ought to alter the experience. To get the female perspective, I did two things: I posted a fake ad as a woman to see what kinds of responses I would get, and I interviewed two women who have had success hooking up on casual encounters in the past.
As for potential suitors, I asked only that they supply a photo and "be attractive and not creepy. There was a five minute delay before my ad appeared, then I started receiving about one response per minute. Most of them were careful to say "I don't do this often. Some sent pictures of themselves naked along with the word "Hi. There were a lot of expressions of sympathy over my fake breakup.
I was hearing from men of all types, and it seemed I had my pick of the litter. After about thirty minutes, though, my post was flagged for removal.
I thought I'd made it look legit, but as we learned earlier, folks have good reason to be hawkish about scammers. After the end of my test run with Craigslist casual encounters, I decided to get more insight into the female experience with the site by interviewing two women who said they had successes meeting up with men on Casual Encounters. Their problem was the opposite of mine. They had too many options to pick from, but they both dealt with the numerous choices in the same way.
Both women ultimately responded to men who they felt put effort into writing long, personal messages as opposed to quick notes. They have mommy issues. Along with daddy issues, people often wonder what kind of a relationship a woman has with her mother when she is having sex with whoever she wants. They are incapable of settling down or wanting to. It is a common assumption that if a woman likes to sleep around she will never want to get married or start a family.
They grow and learn and mature. Women who like to have casual sex may not want to do it for the rest of their lives, and are probably learning that along the way. Writer based in the Philadelphia area. Person who really loves her dog and watching cooking shows. Check out my writing on Thought Catalog and follow me on Facebook! Connect with me and submit your work on Collective World. Each time a new tab is opened a quote is revealed, including the source of the quote love! Nicole Tarkoff Writer based in the Philadelphia area.
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As I argued in Mass Erotic Choice , it's to some extent influenced by what their friends are doing. Is the current "hookup culture" good for women? Is it good for sex? The best sex, like the most orgasmic sex, usually happens with a partner whom one knows well. Is a hookup ordinarily the best way for a young person to spend a Saturday night?
Again, I doubt it. But I guess it might depend on what the alternatives are. Psychology Today loves to study what they call "hook-ups" and their effect on women. Because Psychology Today is a patriarchal entity that likes to push marriage and relationships, the conclusion of every Psychology Today blogger will always be that short term sexual relationships are very bad for women. But women keep having short term sexual relationships, so if it was so bad then why do women keep doing it?
Do all women everywhere suffer from debilitating low self-esteem which results in this PT-labeled bad behavior? Or is there more to the story. But let's put all this aside for the moment. Is the purpose of sex only to achieve orgasm?
I'd say absolutely not. Sex often comes with a component of intimacy, discussion, vulnerability and connection. Short term sex will almost always have these components, and most people benefit from all of them. This is why people probably have short term sexual encounters. Before, during and after sex, sex partners get to create a temporary connection that may make them feel friendly, sexy and human. On another note, no writer on Psychology Today has ever been concerned about whether short-term sexual relationships are bad for men.
Apparently, short term sexual relationships with men are an approved activity. However, the math doesn't work out. IFf hook-ups are bad for women yet good for men and everybody listened to Psychology Today, then there would be a gross partner imbalance.
Nobody calls out men who have hook-ups by telling them that nobody will want to marry the town bike, they must have had terrible childhoods or that they have low self-esteem. So why do these get laid on women? Here's my 2c worth:. Women have probably always enjoyed casual sex. But pre-Pill, there was the risk of getting pregnant. Then the pill came along and were women allowed to enjoy hook-ups? Of course not, there was societal disapproval, the risk of getting a 'reputation'.
Then came AIDS so again, women, back in your box. Now with the advent of the internet and hook-ups being so easy and not quite so stigmatised as previously, how are we going to fix those uppity women? Why, 'studies have proven XXX' of course! By which they mean they interviewed a bunch of college students and asked ambiguous questions.
I'm just waiting for the day where 'studies have proven' women's casual sex can be linked to cancer, Alzheimer's and climate change.
I thought the article was pretty close to the heart of the matter. Biologically and psychologically, women and men want and desire sex just the same I have met many that wanted it a lot more than me.
But depending on how 'bad' the culture declares female hook ups to be, the displayed behaviour is different - it is basically just brainwashing women conform to for fear of being labeled whereas men hardly ever are, so can display pteferences and interest a lot more openly.
All female comments confirming some inherent difference between the sexes are only there to earn them moral browny points even if they believe it to be true - women just are better at self and external deception than men. Back Find a Therapist. Lessons You Won't Learn In School Here are 10 skills that will clarify your visions and bring you closer to your life goals. Why Do We Flirt by Text? It will make it a smoother experience for both parties involved.
Eventually I asked him about lube, and it was only then that he pulled it out. Guys, don't be shy about this stuff. If you see us spitting like llamas in order to keep things going and you have a full bottle of whatever lube you use to jerk off you should offer it up! It will make sex more enjoyable for everyone. Enthusiastic consent means getting a clear "yes" not only on the sex you're having, but a yes on each new act that the two of you take part in throughout the duration of the hook up.
And we get it — asking, "Is this OK? But Candace, 29 says that a heads up on what you're about to do as you both move through the motions is a must. It's not simply 'no means no anymore,' it it now 'yes means yes.
While there are plenty of methods for finding a hook up, Samantha, 26, says that one of them should never involve being dishonest about your intentions. We slept together that night — and then from there he proceeded to hit me up whenever he was just trying to get some action. And the thing is, I would have been happy to have him as just a hook up buddy.
He was hot and the sex was great. But the fact that he put this whole act on in order to get there just rubbed me the wrong way. I never saw him again. If you eventually want more than just a hook up, you need to communicate that. Don't make promises, especially when you know you probably can't keep them.
Playing games to get into bed with someone shows a lack of respect towards your casual sex partner. Now that you've got the rules down, all you need is a willing partner. Here are a few hookup sites and apps you can use to find a match, how they work and how to use them to your advantage. From the moment you log on to XMatch, local singles in your area are presented to you via a "hot list" that other members vote on.
It's clearly a hook up site, so there's no need to navigate the elephant in the room the way you do when you're using a "dating app" for more casual endeavors. If nothing on the site's "hot list" catches your eye, you can search members using a ton of filters including their sexual preferences.
Not in the mood to leave your couch? There's an option to connect with other members via web cam — or get in on the group chats, forums and the "Sex Academy" section the site offers.
Using Tinder to land yourself a hook up comes with its pros and cons. The major benefit being that there are a ton of members on it. It's also extremely straightforward to use — create a profile with a few photos, set basic parameters like the age and location of the match you're looking for, and then start swiping left to reject and right to accept potential matches until you get a mutual match, which allows you two to start talking.
The pitfall of using this app to facilitate hook ups, however, is that not everyone on the app is working toward the same common goal of just getting it in. Still, the app is free, which makes it a solid place to start your search.